So. so you remember those funny plastic ball things with the holes for the shapes? and the shapes were like square, hexagon, circle, and triangle? Now, and I'm sure everyone who goes to anywhere new feels like this, but I feel like I am an icosadodecahedron trying to be pushed where the hexagon goes.

Let me take you trough the whole metaphor. From the outside, the University first looks like one of these expandable ball things things. A collapsed one. And you think oh look at all the pretty colors, they accept everyone and everyone has their place here. It's so wonderful. Then you get here and it opens up. Now it is HUGE!!!!!. Inside this giant ball thing is a variation of one of those other child toys that you put the shapes into. The one I explained above. Except instead of putting the shape into the other ball, you just have to match up the sides. Now, everyone is a polyhedron varying in shape size and what kinds of polygons you are made up of. See this one for example. It has pentagons, rectangles, squares and funky shapes. Each one represents a part of a person and it connects up with the shape sphere thing I mentioned earlier. Now, each person is a polyhedron and each social scene or identity group is a shape sphere (that's what I will call them from now on). So, I'm sure you can imagine what this looks like, many polyhedrons all arranged in a crazy crazy impossible system that links shapes to spheres and people to people.
Just like anywhere you go there are identities ranging from brother sister and child to loner, from drunk to slut to stud, from nerd to dork from, gay to straight, etc. You know what I mean. Everyone one is apart of some group right? and some are more in some groups than others. But, groups don't matter when you are not with other people. In best case scenarios, your social and persona identities don't matter anyway with other people, they are just around you for the sum of those identities.
So, I have questions for readers: what identity of yours do you I identify with most? I was asked that question before and I really couldn't decide. I didn't feel right declaring one more important over others. Each had their special place, and I felt like they were all apart of ME and this funny ME thing was how i represented myself. this social identity grouping shit doesn't work very well because every one's view of their identity group is different and things don't seem to fit sometimes. ... ok I'm not making sense anymore and I'm tired.
Also, Middle and High School seem like these crazy places where people try on identities and find what fits best and then they have some presets to fall on when they go to a new place like Uni(versity, I like the English way of calling it Uni because its faster to type so I will further refer to it as such) and are lumped into identities. Now, there's a whole lot of stuff that can be said about not lumping or being lumped and getting treatment for cancer, but everyone does it (the first two) and I feel strange when people lump me into a group that isn't one that I identify with more than others. Plus, is it possible to grow as a person with out identifying to a major group? and when I see people that I think are well developed and know who they are and they identify with a major group or are well developed in their skill/trade/identity/ whatever, am i lumping them correctly? If you have heard this rant before and can better articulate what I am trying to say please do, even though it is very high school I'm afraid of the world self unsurity melo drama. I would like to know and its driving me nuts....along with the captain's wheel in my pants.

Later