someone (11:18:39 PM): i mean, what if i only like her like i do because shes my first friend? But i dont feel like thats it...BUT I DONT KNOW!
someone (11:18:43 PM): I JUST DONT KNOW

someone (11:18:47 PM): what is ove?
Saline CJR (11:19:01 PM): ove-
Saline CJR (11:19:08 PM): its cutting it off
someone (11:19:44 PM): thats what dating is so ove(cutting it off) it dosent make sense to me
someone (11:20:05 PM): its not a word in the dictionary
Saline CJR (11:20:08 PM): My first "girlfriend" I felt that way as far as I can tell and it was becuase
Saline CJR (11:20:17 PM): dating is so o-v-e- - - - - -
Saline CJR (11:20:18 PM): there
Saline CJR (11:20:26 PM): did it cut it off again
someone (11:20:41 PM): ic
someone (11:20:50 PM): what were you saying about your first friend?
Saline CJR (11:20:56 PM): becuase it was that she was first and I didnt know what else there was
someone (11:21:13 PM): yeah, but how will you know if you dont go out there?
Saline CJR (11:21:20 PM): I am out there
someone (11:21:24 PM): im saying this in question to your rule
someone (11:21:30 PM): maybe
someone (11:21:33 PM): but how do you know!
someone (11:21:35 PM): ?
someone (11:21:38 PM): hmmmm?
someone (11:21:45 PM): how do you know any of this is real?
Saline CJR (11:21:50 PM): someone said to me
someone (11:21:58 PM): how do i know your real
Saline CJR (11:22:01 PM): real is only what we persieve it to be
someone (11:22:02 PM): how do you know im real
someone (11:22:08 PM): EXACTLY
someone (11:22:21 PM): which is why i have trouble believing life
Saline CJR (11:22:25 PM): I persieve that on the other end of this im there is someone
Saline CJR (11:22:33 PM): you may not be you but you are someone
someone (11:22:40 PM): im no one
Saline CJR (11:22:40 PM): THEN DONT BELIVE IT
Saline CJR (11:22:49 PM): NO ONE ELSE CARES WHAT YOU BELIVE
Saline CJR (11:22:52 PM): sorry
someone (11:22:56 PM): ha its ok
Saline CJR (11:23:00 PM): not trying to be mean , just true
someone (11:23:04 PM): i know
Saline CJR (11:23:12 PM): ok good
someone (11:23:14 PM): but if i dont believe in anything whats the point in living
Saline CJR (11:23:28 PM): if you truly belive that then there is none
Saline CJR (11:23:39 PM): please dont kill your self on what I sayd
Saline CJR (11:23:41 PM): said*
someone (11:23:46 PM): of course not
Saline CJR (11:23:55 PM): thx
Saline CJR (11:23:57 PM): anyway
someone (11:24:02 PM): not enough willpower
someone (11:24:20 PM): i cant stop trying to figure out the impossible
Saline CJR (11:24:29 PM): they said to me something about being embaresed when they talked about me and her. If I truly loved someone, then I would have her full trust and her mine
someone (11:24:31 PM): or figure out anything for that matter
Saline CJR (11:24:39 PM): thus I knew that she wouldnt be cheating
someone (11:25:01 PM): she "cheated" on you at this age?
Saline CJR (11:25:03 PM): or if a friend were to joke about hitting on her, I wouldnt care becuase i knew that she is devoted tome
Saline CJR (11:25:05 PM): no
Saline CJR (11:25:15 PM): i didnt love her young grasshopper
someone (11:25:17 PM): ah i see now
someone (11:25:31 PM): theres a problem though
Saline CJR (11:25:39 PM): what
someone (11:25:57 PM): if i truly love her, what keeps her from not loving me?
someone (11:25:58 PM): nothign
Saline CJR (11:26:27 PM): love is not a magnet
someone (11:26:33 PM): I know
Saline CJR (11:26:38 PM): it is not a mathamatical equation
someone (11:27:02 PM): but to be completly honest colin, and i hope you dont take any offense to this, but i dont fully trust anyone
Saline CJR (11:27:05 PM): it's not ballenced. You could love the out of some chick and she could not know that you exsist
Saline CJR (11:27:12 PM): niether do i
someone (11:27:16 PM): not you, my parents, her
someone (11:27:18 PM): no one
Saline CJR (11:27:22 PM): :::cough cough paranoid cough cough:::
Saline CJR (11:27:24 PM): jk
Saline CJR (11:27:28 PM): wait
someone (11:27:28 PM): lol
Saline CJR (11:27:31 PM): yse I do
someone (11:27:31 PM): maybe its true
Saline CJR (11:27:36 PM): I trust the ones I love
someone (11:27:36 PM): maybe i am paranoid
someone (11:27:43 PM): I dont trust the ones i love
Saline CJR (11:28:00 PM): If you want to truly love then that is a barrier that you will have to break through
Saline CJR (11:28:08 PM): what kind of love is that?
someone (11:28:13 PM): actually, i trust my father, but when i say i trust him
Saline CJR (11:28:14 PM): it is none that i know of
someone (11:28:27 PM): its My love
Saline CJR (11:28:41 PM): well
Saline CJR (11:28:52 PM): she, nor anyone else, works on your love
someone (11:28:59 PM): I love/loved my brother, and i cant trust him with anything 0%
someone (11:29:21 PM): i can trust you and the people i love 99%
someone (11:29:43 PM): but im not talking about the kind of trust like ... can you deposit 2000 dollars of my money into my bank account
someone (11:29:47 PM): jsut incase you are
Saline CJR (11:29:50 PM): It is something you are going to either change about everyone else, of you will need to change about yourself; and I really dont think it could every possibly be the former
someone (11:30:03 PM): i cant change myself
Saline CJR (11:30:11 PM): well than you cant live life
Saline CJR (11:30:23 PM): change is something that you have to do
Saline CJR (11:30:29 PM): you need to be flexible
someone (11:30:33 PM): i can change what i eat
Saline CJR (11:30:46 PM): you dont eat yourself
Saline CJR (11:30:48 PM): ...
Saline CJR (11:30:54 PM): or atleast I hope not
someone (11:30:57 PM): and i can change bad things, but things that i believe are good i cant change
someone (11:31:03 PM): not lately =)
someone (11:31:05 PM): j/k
someone (11:31:27 PM): and i believe that not trusting people completely 100% is a good thing
Saline CJR (11:31:28 PM): AND YOU BELIVE THAT YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO TRUST ANYONE IS A GOOD THING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Saline CJR (11:31:35 PM): well
Saline CJR (11:31:39 PM): I cant change that either
Saline CJR (11:31:46 PM): but other people dont work like that
Saline CJR (11:31:58 PM): I think that that is a sucky deal
someone (11:32:01 PM): ah, not trusting anyone and not trusting some completly are two different things
Saline CJR (11:32:22 PM): a woman will put her full trust and devotion into you for you to just only Partially trust them
someone (11:32:37 PM): i hope no one trust me 100%
Saline CJR (11:32:44 PM): yeah, but most non-yous can trust people
Saline CJR (11:33:00 PM): I trust that you are telling me the truth on most things
someone (11:33:05 PM): because it will be a big let down when i do something untrustworthy
Saline CJR (11:33:12 PM): Exactly
Saline CJR (11:33:16 PM): but
Saline CJR (11:33:25 PM): if you dont keep saying that you dont trust everyone
someone (11:33:34 PM): and we all do things untrustworthy sometime in our life
Saline CJR (11:33:40 PM): and you know that there are people that you love and trust, life is a hell of a lot easier
Saline CJR (11:33:49 PM): yeah but they arnt THAT bad
someone (11:34:12 PM): for instance! Him1 and Him2 probally had full trust in me. and i let them down big time
Saline CJR (11:34:13 PM): the only untrustworthy thing that can't be forgivin is being untrustworthy
Saline CJR (11:34:31 PM): well, Him 1 and Him 2 let you down too
Saline CJR (11:34:54 PM): that was a too big a problem to have only been driven by one person
Saline CJR (11:35:15 PM): but let's please not get into that
someone (11:35:24 PM): they had every reason to let me down, although i dont believe in letting someone down because they let you down, but thats they way it goes
someone (11:35:27 PM): ok
Saline CJR (11:35:52 PM): YOU DONT GET IT APPERANTLY!!!!!!!!! YOU CANT LET SOMEONE COWN THAT YOU DONT FULLY TRUST
Saline CJR (11:35:58 PM): trust only goes so far
Saline CJR (11:36:06 PM): the limit on trust is life and
someone (11:36:18 PM): i dont get it i guess
Saline CJR (11:36:18 PM): i trust that my friends wont kill me
Saline CJR (11:36:23 PM): right
someone (11:36:26 PM): really?
Saline CJR (11:36:28 PM): for me, that is enough
Saline CJR (11:36:43 PM): "everything should be made a simpla as possible, but not more than that."
Saline CJR (11:36:47 PM): YES really
someone (11:36:51 PM): einstine
someone (11:36:54 PM): said that dident he
someone (11:36:58 PM): ?
Saline CJR (11:37:06 PM): I trust that you wont spin around in the movies and cap me in the head!
Saline CJR (11:37:10 PM): yes he did
someone (11:37:20 PM): my point is that happens and people cant control it
someone (11:37:25 PM): im sure you've lied before right?
Saline CJR (11:37:27 PM): you are right
Saline CJR (11:37:32 PM): but they can deal with it
someone (11:37:42 PM): sometimes
Saline CJR (11:37:58 PM): look at the past and say, "Look! It's the past! Who Fricken CARES!!!"
someone (11:38:08 PM): in my situation me, Him 1, Him2 couldnt deal with it
Saline CJR (11:38:15 PM): apperently not
someone (11:38:25 PM): i say LOOK its the past what have i done!?!?!?!?
someone (11:38:37 PM): i cant forgive myself
someone (11:39:07 PM): i dont think anyone really understands what happend with me during/after this Him 1/Him 2 fiasco.... and im sure i dont understand what happened to them
someone (11:39:13 PM): its a bitch of a thing
Saline CJR (11:39:25 PM): YES IT IS!
Saline CJR (11:39:30 PM): no one does understand
Saline CJR (11:39:38 PM): since we dont
someone (11:39:45 PM): you know, even though i disagree with a lot of what your saying, this makes me feel much better
Saline CJR (11:39:50 PM): the best thing to do is just to leave it be and say what happend happend
Saline CJR (11:39:59 PM): that's what friends are for
someone (11:40:13 PM): yeah, but i wasnt a friend
someone (11:40:15 PM): a friend wouldnt do what i did
Saline CJR (11:40:16 PM): My purpose in life is to help people
someone (11:40:19 PM): or woudl they!
someone (11:40:22 PM): because i did
someone (11:40:26 PM): and i dident want to
Saline CJR (11:40:29 PM): shut up
someone (11:40:33 PM): you think i like losing two friends
someone (11:40:33 PM): no
someone (11:40:37 PM): but i gained two also...
someone (11:40:46 PM): and my point being i couldnt control it
Saline CJR (11:40:59 PM): YOU THINK I LIKE WATCHING 3 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS GET INTO A BITCH FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Saline CJR (11:41:09 PM): YOU ONLY HAV TO WORRY ABOUT 2 OF THEM
someone (11:41:29 PM): i have to worry about 3 because thats the way i am... Him 1, Him 2, and me
someone (11:41:44 PM): its just how i work, i know it sounds selfish, but its the way it is
Saline CJR (11:41:49 PM): IM STUCK HERE LOOKING AT BOTH SIDES AND WONDERING HOW I AM GOING TO DEAL WITH 2/3 OF MY CLOSEST FRINEDS HATING EATCH OTHER FOR THE REST OF THIER LIVES AND MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saline CJR (11:42:11 PM): it's not selfish, it's human reflex
someone (11:42:16 PM): see, i dident know you felt that way
someone (11:42:25 PM): although it dosent suprise me much
Saline CJR (11:42:26 PM): i dont going around in the ghetto not worrying about what I am doing
Saline CJR (11:42:59 PM): well thats how I feel
someone (11:43:04 PM): im glad that i know
Saline CJR (11:43:19 PM): I know that you and Him 1and Him 2 and all of my other friends have some sort of feeling for me
Saline CJR (11:43:37 PM): My trust consists of helping my friends in anyway possible
someone (11:43:42 PM): i dont Him 1 or Him 2, i wish they would be more forgiving thats really all
Saline CJR (11:44:02 PM): though when 3 of them start smacking eachother around, theres not much I can do without hurting the other one
someone (11:44:39 PM): all i try and do is make the people around me be as comfortable
Saline CJR (11:45:14 PM): see, I leave the people around me to be comfertable them selves, but if they need help doing it, then I will help them
Saline CJR (11:45:21 PM): We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it.
Lyndon B. Johnson (1908 - 1973), December 13, 1963
someone (11:45:43 PM): im stilll drawing my lesson
Saline CJR (11:46:02 PM): but right now, you are doing a field lesson
Saline CJR (11:46:09 PM): you are living in it still
Saline CJR (11:47:32 PM): you are more like Herb Caen
Saline CJR (11:47:37 PM): I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.
Herb Caen
someone (11:48:06 PM): i really hope my life isnt in the past
Saline CJR (11:48:16 PM): so here is the best solution, noticed how I said best not easiest
Saline CJR (11:48:23 PM): Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
Saline CJR (11:48:43 PM): well, If you keep worrying about what happend before rigt now than you are
Saline CJR (11:48:50 PM): right*
someone (11:48:54 PM): maybe
someone (11:50:04 PM): sometimes i just dont want to take a shower... i just ask why... why the hell do people change how they smell from their normal smell... im sure normally everyone smells close to the same, so why do they care if they smell like that
someone (11:50:26 PM): its such a waste of time, but then again, so is a lot of what i do
someone (11:50:34 PM): holy crap, its almost 12
Saline CJR (11:50:38 PM): SO IS ALOT OF WHAT EVERYONE DOES
Saline CJR (11:50:42 PM): ok
someone (11:50:44 PM): i know