I have chosen to minor in Peace and Social Justice, a minor that was created last year. I have now taken two classes that count toward it, one is Nonviolence in Action and the other is Intergroup Dialogue* Facilitator Training. I am most interested in talking about the prior. As a class, we noticed the lack of support or importance placed on us by the university considering we did not have a room for the 50 of us to occupy. We ended up having class in large lounge of the residence hall attached to the union.

...I have a paper to write, so I am cutting this short. Really short. All I wanted to say was that there is not a wikipedia article on it and I am in a bit of a wikipedia editing craze. I am trying to revamp the article Nonviolence, which means I also need to edit Nonviolent Resistance (Don't even get me started on this one), Pacifism, and several other articles with similar ideas. I also want to fix Social Justice and make an article for Intergroup Dialogue. Anyone want to help?

paper time.....less than a week left


*P once said the 'dialogue' sounded pretentious. Maybe it is, but there is a definite distinction to be made between debate, discussion, and dialogue. Dialogue is a particular kind of communication that is supposed to be the ideal learning conversation. When a group of people are in dialogue, members of the group are open with each other, take personal risks, share their social identities, seek understanding, etc. The term dialogue is used to convey a very specific kind of interaction. See "Intergroup Dialogue in Higher Education : meaningful learning about social justice" by Ximena Zuʹñiga, et al. I will loan it to you if you want it.

I had a thought:

A good way to get word out about a cause is to be innovative for the sake of being innovative. Be the best at something: design, use of color, whatever. That way, the message will be spread not only for the sake of spreading the message, but also because it is amazing at whatever it is the best at. Problem I foresee is that the message will be lost in the hype of things. Example of this working. AIDS slogans at baseball games: visuals to come

Time to tutor more.

Update (12/27/08): Here are those pictures I promised:

A Revolutionary Primer

There is never enough time.

And as many people are eager to advise use, time is the thing we have the least of. I decided that it would be more beneficial to write my initial thoughts on student movements and national movements before I did any more work.

I finished reading an article about the Black Panther Party that discussed the history, goals, effects, and downfall of the party. Intrigued and edified, I did a little bit of research on another group that was mentioned in the article: The Students for a Democratic Society (SDS). At first, I was rather excited as I expected to find a strong student movement that was making significant progress towards change. One that had a large membership of student activists who worked as a nationally cohesive team towards progressive ideals. One that I just happened to miss these past twenty years.
What I found instead was disheartening to say the least. The SDS has fallen from the position it once had as an affiliate of the Black Panther Party. No longer does it carry a voice that can be heared on college campuses around the country. To me, it looks like almost every other student movement and organization I have seen. A short burst of activity and membership that withers as younger members lose interest and older members graduate.

Perhaps I am exaggerating a little. Apparently, in January of 2006, the movement to revive the SDS began. It looks to me that it lasted about a year. While it hasn't been around for very long and I can already see it start to fade, I am impressed with how far it has come.

ow that I have procrastinated enough on this by getting distracted doing other things I must retire from writing this miniscule primer.

Goodnight.

Because I have never remembered this poem:

The Hollow Men

I

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom
Remember us — if at all — not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death’s dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind’s singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death’s dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer –

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death’s other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death’s twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o’clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

-T.S. Eliot

‘The Stone Age didn’t end because of a shortage of stones.’

My Problem with 'avian' and 'swine' Flu

I really dislike the term "Swine Flu". Let's do a quick review on Influenza. There are many different types and strains of the virus, but the type that we are always referring to is Influenza A (They strains vary by the make up of certain proteins eg H1N1, H2N5, etc.) . Some of them are specific to different animals including birds, pigs, and humans. The virus can mutate one of two ways. It can have random error in its replication, or more than one strain of the virus can infect the same individual and they can mix together (reassortment). So let's say there is a pig specific flu going around in the pig community, but it isn't too bad--little piglet ts only need to stay home from school for a day before they get better. There is also a human specific flu going around in the human community that has a similar effect on little kids. These two flus aren't too bad because each population has their respective immunities. One day, a human with human flu sneezes on a pig and the pig is able to catch it. Then, her piglet comes home from school and gives her pig flu. The two flus undergo reassortment and make a new hybrid that can be spread to humans. Farmers Jane and John both die because they have no immunity. Now that you know how influenza works, please realize that the 1957 flu could have been called "duck flu" and the 1968 could have been remembered as "swine flu". My point is that one cannot label a flu by the animal it originated from because it is misleading. When you say "swine flu" one thinks you mean that a pig has the flu.

My Trip into the World of Calculus

For a long time, Calc has been a mystery to me. It has been referred to and talked about all around me; I feel like I have been missing out. For years, I have wondered what it is all about. The time to learn is now as I am taking Calc I at Eastern; although, I am beginning to wish I learned it on my own due to the disjointed and illogical nature of my lecturer. In an attempt to help study for what may very well be extremely easy quizzes (and to help me rationalize paying for and spending my entire mornings getting to and from this class) I am going to re-explain what we have done.

After 6 hours of class, this is what I have come up with:

First thing is first: Limits

Day 1: Say we had a function f(x)=x^2 (please note I am pretending by using the picture I found on google. Just pretend it is a parabola). At any point, we could say that as you approach any given value of x (lets say 2) you also approach the corresponding value of f(x) (in our case, 4!) That number is said to be the limit of a particular function as x approaches ___ (for us it was 2).
This is important because you need to use it when you want to find the equation for a tangent to a curve. Great. (The only practical example was when it is applied to mechanical physics in which they use the word 'velocity' to mean instantaneous velocity which bugs the senial-grandma-hell out of me.)

We are first going to find the slope then use the point-slope equation of a line to find the equation of the tangent. To find the slope of this tangent, we are going to find the slope of a secant whose pair of points includes the point from which we are drawing the tangent (P) . Slope is the change in values along the vertical axis divided by the change in values along the horizontal axis. rise/run (rise over run). Lets write that again replacing the words with variables corresponding to the two items we have. What do we have?
We have:
A curve
A tangent line
A secant line

The difference along the x axis is delta [x] and the difference along the y axis is [f(x+delta[x])-f(x)].
Therefore, rise/run is:





This equation gives the slope of any secant line; all one needs to do is fill in the variables with numbers.

Finally, we apply that thar limit thing to this. What we are trying to do is make the delta [x] as small as possible. In other words, we are going to make the point that is NOT the one we are finding a tangent on (Q) infinitesimally close to the one we are using (P). We do this by using a limit to say that as the difference between the x values of those two points gets closer to zero, our output of the equation will get closer to the slope of the tangent. Equationally, it looks like this:



Problems will consist of a given function, lets say x^2, and the point to which we would like to make a tangent, (2,4) for us because it's easy. So let's plug stuff in:





here, Xo was replaced with the x value of point P (2,4). Easy enough.







Now we know that f(x)=x^2 is the rule used to create the curve in the picture. In the equation, we choose another point by saying we are going to apply the function to the 'number' Xo plus some variable distance (written as Xo+Delta[x]). In this step, we plug that 'number' into the function to get (Xo+Delta[x])^2. We also replaced f(2) by what we know is the answer...4!

Now we simplify! We are going to end up with a squared Delta[x] plus four delta[x]s, no 4's all over a delta[x]. Extract a delta[x] from the numerator and cancel to get this:




Now that everything is super simple, we can directly substitute the number that delta[x] is approaching (ZERO!) for delta x and what are we left with? The slope of the tangent line, which is 4!

Plug that slope into the point-slope form of a line along with point P to get



simplify to get the equation of the tangent line:



That was day 1. Yay.

Day 2: A few additions on yesterday's material about limits.
*A function may jump around (graphically) allowing it to have several limits that may seem counterintuitive at first. A function can have a limit on a part of the curve that approaches a number that it does not reach. For example, a curve may approach 3 as the x value approaches 1, but not include it. In fact, the value that is being approached does not have anything to do with the actual value at that point (in our example function, 1 may correspond to 4,321.7).

*Limits can be viewed as approaching from the right or from the left. If the limit of a function approaching from the left is different than the limit approaching from the right, the limit (not from a particular direction) is said not to exist.

*These are things you can do to limits:




















*It is possible for limits to approach infinity in either direction

Thats it for day 2...I had a half page of notes >.<

Day 3: Repeat Day One.

Ok, I bet you are all wondering how we did everything on day one! Well, we didn't. We used a different equation to do it...or something rather. Also, I did not feel like moving everything after I typed it, so it is going to stay where it is.

That's all for today. After all of that, I am going to be mad if I don't do well on this quiz. Also, please leave a comment and correct me if I screwed anything up...thanks.

Happy 20th Birthday to Me

I bought a bike!!!!

My Emo Heart is Crying at My Inability to Perform as a Real Person
current mood: Like Stephen Colbert blogging after not being invited to the Bush child's wedding


I have decided that it is time for me to become a real person and do real person things. I was partially inspired by this recent encounter I had with a friend of a friend that works at the Espresso Royal on State St.
I walked into Espresso Royal looking for cream, sugar, and cups. I was going to brew coffee the next day for my co-workers as one of them was giving me a ride and we were leaving at an absurdly early hour in the morning. The hour reserved only for people who workout before work and high schoolers involved in almost any extra curricular activity. My friend was working; she introduced me to her friend an co-worker by the same name. I hate to mooch off of my friends by using their employee status to give me discounts or free things; however, in this case the friend of a friend insisted. She had graduated and was getting a job in New York. She put it like this: "I am leaving to become a real person."

To begin my own quest on becoming a real person, I am making what seem like significant life choices , I am pretty frustrated at what is going on with my summer plans. I was planning to take online math and physics courses at EMU. Well, after an excruciatingly long and embarrassing phone advising appointment--phone advising appointments were created for people living out of state...I am just exploiting the system-- I have found out that I did not do enough research. As it turns out, there are no math and physics online courses and I will be commuting if I want to take them. As it turns out, I am a guest student, not a transfer student (that was the most embarrassing of my lack of research). (**I am sure that I have some form of ADD. This is not one of the things, I just wanted to excuse myself for what I really wanted to say which is that I just noticed that I push the space bar predominantly on the right side, judging from the wear of the coating on the key itself. Now that I am cognizant of it, it appears that I push it mostly with my right pointer finger. I feel to constrained if I leave my hands in one place, I like to move them around a little when I type...plus, my hands get sweaty if I rest my palms on the laptop.**) As it turns out, both the physics department and the math department require absurd prerequisites before I can take the classes I want: Calculus requires a college level Trig class (despite the fact I have taken an all encompassing pre-calc class at UofM). And as it turns out, I have to file at least three forms before I can even begin to enroll for summer semester as I gave up on Spring semester and I do not want any more fees. Oh yeah, and as it turns out, I don't like being wrong so you can imagine how I taste about all of this. Bitter, Salty with a hint of parsley...paltry I mean.
I do believe I made the right decision in dealing with this problem, I pushed my plan of action several weeks into the future. This gives me a little time to sort things out and not look like a fool. Along the lines of looking like a fool, I acted on what some would consider a foolish whim and bought a 1940 Royal typewriter for $26.50. It is in pretty good condition and everything works but the ribbon, of which only a fraction is usable. I have already used it to write on two page letter that I finally sent today to the Finlandian. At this point, I must make it known that as I write I lose energy and stop caring about what I am writing. This entry is just about done anyway; I have one final thought.

Manual automobiles, rather the drivers of manual automobiles, get automatic bonus points on my sexy scale. As much as I dislike the use of petrol, and most cars do still run on petrol, I can not deny the attraction I have to a man that can drive well. One that will have an engaging and interesting conversation with you in his luxury vehicle while driving back from the modern, upscale, yet eco-friendly vegetarian restaurant you just had dinner. He flawlessly shifts the well insulated car from gear to gear and while all you hear is the light jazz from the radio and the words coming out of his mouth occasionally accompanied by a muffled roar from the engine. HOT.

Now I should go do something to further my life as a real person. I may go to the bike shop and look at some bikes.

Summary
-----------
I am working on becoming a real person
I dislike being wrong
Typewriters are fantastic
The drivers of manual vehicles are way sexy

"We are not supposed to have a dominion. If we have anything, we have the responsibility." - Morgan Freeman

On a completely unrelated note, I have decided that I have trouble doing things regularly. It seems that events in my life haphazardly place themselves into some sort of order without anything but my suggestions as to where they might fit best.

Over this summer I plan to try and accomplish several things at once by improving in a to be decided skill (hand writing, literature, studying, etc.) at a specific time everyday. As of now I operate completely without routine... this will be an experiment in will power. Soon I will make a time line of the plan; I will also have to choose a skill to improve. If I am completely indecisive I can change skills every month or so, or choose 4 and rotate every week, or I could choose a few and rotate daily, or I could choose a few and devote a majority of the alloted time to one while still finding a way to practice a smaller amount of the others (eg if the alloted time is 2 hours, spend 1.5 hours on the major component of that day and 15 on the other two). The last option could have many different variations to it.

In any case, I need to ensure that I have enough will power to initiate this.

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

e.e. cummings

When I speak to people who are steadfast in their beliefs and points of view, I have mixed feelings. I refuse to hold a belief so dearly, to have a position so unmovable that few things are capable of making me change my mind. That is just ignorance to me. There are few instances in which one can know absolutely everything about a given topic. Every detail, every person involved, every circumstance. One should certainly have reason for their belief, but in very few cases is that reason thorough enough to warrant sureness.

A problem inevitably arises when putting beliefs into action. If one is completely sure of a certain belief, putting it into action is easy as there are not any other things they must take into account. For rational things, however, it is harder as there will always be things that one has missed one way or another. The solution? Be able to either modify actions and policies or make up for mistakes.

I want to edit this and write more...I will if I find the time

It's been a month....that was fast.

I get so excited with new things, but I'm afraid I get bored to quickly. This has been most prominent with jobs, jobs that I really enjoy, but I feel like its the same thing over and over and it isn't fun. Should it be? Is that what work is for? Can it be? I try to find ways to make it new and exciting to me. New variations, new attitudes, new people.
Thoughts?

The reason I avoid writing is because I become consumed by it. It eats my life and my time. Please read the example below.

Good Evening Citizens of the World,

Tonight I would like to present the issue of social responsibility in the media. Specifically in television. I, like many others, watch TV every so often and I enjoy it. The other day I noticed, after watching Battlestar Galactica, that I have been reflecting upon topics that are presented in the show ranging from genocide to biracial tensions to martial law to religious tensions. During the show I find myself thinking about what I would have done in that situation, how I would have handled it. I certainly would not have allowed the circle of peers to enact vengeful murders on people that maybe deserved it. I certainly would not have endorsed suicide bombings. I, as President of the Colonies would have done the exact same thing as Mary McDonnell's character because she is incredibly cool..and kinda hot. I know how not to commit treason. I know how not to think I am an alien species. Unfortunately, in most situations that I will face in my life, I will not have a chance to employ my new skills.

With that in mind I would like to zoom out and remind everyone about a little bit of child development. One prominent theory in child development is the concept of modeling. A child will watch someone do something and imitate that behavior. This includes both technical skills and social skills. Here's an example: A family is in a restaurant and there is a discrepancy about the bill. The parent reacts to this by yelling and being very angry about it. The child observes the whole things happen. Later that week the child is in the lunchroom at school and yells at a staff person for not serving him the correct thing. A social tactic he had obviously learned from his parent.

It is no question that children are watching more and more tv these days. With reason too! There are so many high quality, interactive, artsy, educational programs out there its unbelievable. Oh wait, that was a dream. Let me rephrase, there are so many masturbatory, dopamine extracting shows out there it's no wonder kids are glued to the tube. In our culture, it is more and more often that a child will grow up with fewer real life role models. Their parents are working more, they live in more separated places, they are eating more and playing less. TV is the babysitter. The more I learn about child development the more and more amazed I am with how powerful and adaptive the brain is, especially when it is young. More importantly than how much TV kids watch, young kids and adolescence alike, is how much it influences them. How much a person is influenced by the media is dependent on how much that person identifies with what they are absorbing.

Before I rant more I want to clarify a term I am going to use: Big Media. Big Media refers to the oligopoly of corporations that have complete control over all aspects of media including but not limited to news, entertainment (music, movies, shitty magazines), and information (Internet, books, etc.). I will admit that I am in now way an expert in communication studies or media culture, but I do know that all of media (with the exception being some independent tubes of the Internet and local newspapers and things) is owned and controlled by an oligopoly of companies that, believe it or not, was founded by immigrants such as Adolph Zukor(Hungary,founder of Paramount), Samuel Goldwyn (Warsaw , founder of MGM--on a side note, Zukor and Goldwyn were brother's in law. Goldwyn helped Zukor start paramount but disputes led to his leave and eventual creation of MGM), Carl Laemmle (Germany, Universal Studios), and Harry, Albert, Sam, and Jack Warner (Poland, obviously founders of Warner Bros.) These companies, which if you have seen any movies ever produce the majority of mainstream films. Here is a breakdown of who owns what:

Media Group <- Subsidiary of or high majority of ownership by

Dreamworks, MTV Films <- Paramount
New Line Cinemas <- Warner Bros.
--------------------------------
Paramount <- Viacom
MGM <- Sony
Warner Bros. <- Time Warner Inc.
Universal <- NBC Universal
--------------------------------
NBC Universal - General Electric

And pulling from the example I started with
Battlestar Galactica is a joint venture between Sky One and The Sci Fi Channel
Sky One <- News Corp (see below)
Sci Fi Channel <- NBC Universal

So there you have it folks. Some of the biggest players in Big Media (The others being Disney, News Corp. (owners of myspace; CEO is Rupert Murdoch), and CBS. If you are interested see stopbigmedia.com or check out Free Culture by Lawrence Lessig)

The point of all this is that what I watch, read, and listen to is controlled by a boardroom of old white men who are interested in the preservation of their companies and their company's image. Now I know people will say, "what about shareholders and their input or watching independent channels" or whatever crazy activist way of trying to take down big media they might be advocating to which I would respond yeah, it exists and it might work in some places, but it never gets rid of the fact that what is on the television and in the movies is completely controlled by a boardroom of old white guys...that either have lower ratings or receive a letter from a concerned viewer. Through an exhausting chain of people, a tv show or movie will be created, carrying whatever ideas and themes it may, that inevitably contains emotionally provocative material to entice viewers to watch it. "If you focus on the meanings, you might miss the selling points and nobody will watch it." So why think too much about what message you are selling until you get it sold? Because after it is sold it is too late. You can not erase something a person has seen or heard or thought about without extensive help from either an awesome rogue militia group or the government (different story)....or if you are the thought police.

All in all, those who have the power to influence the masses are also the ones who should be held responsible for the quality and content of the messages they are selling. In times when people are most influenced by the messages they hear from friends, family and other sources (...media!), also taking into account that people learn and imitate more of what they identify with and that the goal of media is to create things that people will buy and consume (things they identify with) it is vital that those messages present and reinforce behaviors and ideas that are socially constructive.

Thank you, and have a good evening.


BiteCite me
Wikipedia
stopbigmedia.com
FEILITZEN, CECILIA V., LINNE, OLGA. (1975). IDENTIFYING WITH TELEVISION CHARACTERS. Journal of Communication, 25(4), 51.

Ambition is a good idea but not much more,
people lose ideas because they are insubstantial,
they feel insubstantial guilt about not holding onto their ambition;
more importantly, my egg sandwich is going bad!

The Meaning of What!?

Earlier this year I attempted to answer, or at least begin to answer the question, "Who am I?" After talking with several people and thinking about this at great length I have come to the definitive conclusion that I need to spend some more time thinking about it. In fact, I have not gotten very far; however, I will attempt to go through my thinking process so far. I figure, start with what you see.

The Body
The human body is an amazingly complex system of chemicals, organism, and carbon structures that interact at ridiculously fast speeds. More specifically, our brains are continuously in the process of creating and refining neural pathways that are essentially the most unique part of the body. Sure DNA is unique in people, but I would think that the way a persons brain is mapped is much more flexible and variable than DNA.

Ok, so I don't think that that is the best way to approach it, but it's at least a start. From here I often move into what makes someone unique in comparison to other people. One thing that is unique I have already hit which is the exact composition of a person's body. Brain, genes, etc.

One of the other things that I think definitively distinguishes one person from the other is the series of experiences that they have been through. Think about it. A person is born to a particular situation. Both parents, one parents, a village, siblings (or not), pack of wolves, you get the idea; and they are raised in accordance with them. No one person can have exactly the same experiences as another. There are an infinite number of combinations of experiences that any given person can have. It's unimaginable!

I 'spose whats next is to delve into the world of morals and beliefs, as they are ultimately the result of the combination of neural and environmental influences. This is the part that philosophers and scientists go nuts over....especially the squirrel scientists and philosophers (sorry, that was a cheap nut joke....one might even call it a bad nut). I'm not really in the mood to even attempt getting in to what that involves, free will, morality, self-centrism. No, instead I am going conclude with a conveniently broad and thought provoking quote from I <3 Huckabees :

"How can I not be me?"

The American Dream

So, I never new it, but the American dream created by mostly Jewish immigrants film moguls getting rich. The underdog, finding your dream, all of the good ones. I also just noticed after watching a trailor for the film Meet the Robinsons that these movies definatly carry a feeling with them. I don't know what it is, maybe hope? But is definatly something that starts days. What I am worried about is that it is the kind of feeling that can only be let down. A feeling, given by these movies of underdogs rising up and making it give me this funny feeling that I can do something. Maybe its the American Feeling: If you work harder enough, you can do anything accompanied by that hope that everything will work out in the end. Unfortunatly, the American Feeling is invariably accompanied by the American Letdown: If you don't make it you didn't work hard enough, it is all your fault. That is completely untrue in my opinion, but it can be this terribly degrading feeling.
What I am trying to dcide right now is if the AF is a bad thing. Working hard, having hope, are those things bad? I hope not, because I love those movies. I love the American Feeling.

Which is worse:

Love without lust or lust without love?

Edit: >.<>.<

So, I know that I'm being a little emo and artistic here, but hang with me ok? I made some art:

Hyperactive Analyzation Disorder Regarding Interpersonal Magnetism

I've said things like this before, but I will try to word it in an exciting new way for you. Our minds move at fucking incredible speeds every second. Over the course of a minute someone can think of puppies, death, sex, taxes, aqua teen hunger force, terrorists, music, sex, movies, boyfriends, Africa, girlfriends, being stupid, friends, and nothing; and that's just the top 10% of the iceberg (now that I am in college I use fancy things like percentages...that is the correct amount of iceberg that sticks out incase you didn’t know). Now think how many seconds you have been alive and all of the different things you have thought about. Now think of all of the things you have done. It is incredible isn't it? What’s more, you are truly unique in what you have done and there is no possible way for anyone else to have the same experience you can. However, people can have similar personalities.

From here I want to pull a few things: uniqueness, thinking speed, and personalities. This really doesn’t have anything to do with V day, but more what's going on in my life. One thing that I have noticed, not just with this but with everything, is that I (and I am sure other people do this too!) take all of these experiences I have had and project them onto others when we don't know them. We think about the future in the only way we can, which is by bringing to mind the first thing we think of. Daniel Gilbert talks about this his book, but I’m just getting there and I haven't read it lately. Anyway, in my situation I have had a recent encounter with someone that I thought went well. In any case, since then I have created many many different possible emotions to possible reactions. It's like preparing for the future. We like to be prepared, no matter how much we like surprises, we like to be prepared. Additionally, I have made millions of guesses at personality and lifestyle because I don't have anything to base it on. I feel like a really debated and hard to interpret scientific concept where any new information makes me rethink EVERYTHING if just for an instant.

My name is Colin and I have Hyperactive Analyzation Disorder Regarding Interpersonal Magnetism

(for people who haven't gotten it yet, I over think EVERYTHING and more)

So. so you remember those funny plastic ball things with the holes for the shapes? and the shapes were like square, hexagon, circle, and triangle? Now, and I'm sure everyone who goes to anywhere new feels like this, but I feel like I am an icosadodecahedron trying to be pushed where the hexagon goes.

Let me take you trough the whole metaphor. From the outside, the University first looks like one of these expandable ball things things. A collapsed one. And you think oh look at all the pretty colors, they accept everyone and everyone has their place here. It's so wonderful. Then you get here and it opens up. Now it is HUGE!!!!!. Inside this giant ball thing is a variation of one of those other child toys that you put the shapes into. The one I explained above. Except instead of putting the shape into the other ball, you just have to match up the sides. Now, everyone is a polyhedron varying in shape size and what kinds of polygons you are made up of. See this one for example. It has pentagons, rectangles, squares and funky shapes. Each one represents a part of a person and it connects up with the shape sphere thing I mentioned earlier. Now, each person is a polyhedron and each social scene or identity group is a shape sphere (that's what I will call them from now on). So, I'm sure you can imagine what this looks like, many polyhedrons all arranged in a crazy crazy impossible system that links shapes to spheres and people to people.
Just like anywhere you go there are identities ranging from brother sister and child to loner, from drunk to slut to stud, from nerd to dork from, gay to straight, etc. You know what I mean. Everyone one is apart of some group right? and some are more in some groups than others. But, groups don't matter when you are not with other people. In best case scenarios, your social and persona identities don't matter anyway with other people, they are just around you for the sum of those identities.
So, I have questions for readers: what identity of yours do you I identify with most? I was asked that question before and I really couldn't decide. I didn't feel right declaring one more important over others. Each had their special place, and I felt like they were all apart of ME and this funny ME thing was how i represented myself. this social identity grouping shit doesn't work very well because every one's view of their identity group is different and things don't seem to fit sometimes. ... ok I'm not making sense anymore and I'm tired.
Also, Middle and High School seem like these crazy places where people try on identities and find what fits best and then they have some presets to fall on when they go to a new place like Uni(versity, I like the English way of calling it Uni because its faster to type so I will further refer to it as such) and are lumped into identities. Now, there's a whole lot of stuff that can be said about not lumping or being lumped and getting treatment for cancer, but everyone does it (the first two) and I feel strange when people lump me into a group that isn't one that I identify with more than others. Plus, is it possible to grow as a person with out identifying to a major group? and when I see people that I think are well developed and know who they are and they identify with a major group or are well developed in their skill/trade/identity/ whatever, am i lumping them correctly? If you have heard this rant before and can better articulate what I am trying to say please do, even though it is very high school I'm afraid of the world self unsurity melo drama. I would like to know and its driving me nuts....along with the captain's wheel in my pants.

Later

Off the Radar

I just finished watching an episode of Boston Legal.Let me first get you in my shoes, in my frame of mind:

Tonight I want to talk about something not happy.

Tonight I want to talk about something not happy.

The mere fact that I would WANT to talk about something that makes me unhappy seems against what humans are for. I am currently reading Stumbling for Happiness (and Power, Freedom and Grace) in both books, the authors have come to the conclusions that what we want in life is happiness. That is what people look for. Yet here I am, wanting to be unhappy. Not only that, I want to make other people unhappy too. Misery love company, eh? What I want to practice before I get into things is a little visualization exercise. There are going to be three, each taking you to a level of less and less happiness. My goal is to make you miserable. I'm sorry if I offend anyone. here goes:

1) What a great morning! How can it not be? It's your birthday! You look out the window, the sun is just now creeping into the sky, light purple. What a view. The room is a little cold, but the bed is just how it should be. Nice and Cozy. Only one thing missing. Your Partner! and that's when it hits you. Your heart starts racing...not there...you can hardly see...but you can smell, oh you can smell. That strong reeking smell, the kind that can make some people vomit, the kind that could wake you out of a coma: Colombian Coffee. How coffee could make someone vomit you're not quite sure, but you just woke up so who cares? You hop into your brand new slippers andwalk. Past the kids bedroom and down the stairs right into the kitchen where your partner is making breakfast NAKED....wait no, just wearing a shirt that resembles skin color. Breakfast for two as the sun rises, how could this day get any better? With work of course!
Work has never been like this before. Normally most people are gloomy and not looking forward to another day at work, but it seems like a wallmart greeter convention, everyone is smiling and cheery to see you...How strange, its only 8 in the morning! Your desk has a three cards on it, one from your boss, one from Jon(one of your co-workers, he's a sound engineer, funny guy) and the other is from your kids. Poorly drawn, four blobs, two purple, one red and one blue. Thats your family. Right there. How simple. It doesn't matter what you are really does it? You are family, you've got brothers and sisters and...that song hasn't been played in a LOOONG time. This day can't get any better. You're right. It can't. It's 8:46 a.m. There's an earthquake. 600 people die. Instantly, A blast of heat hits you and you see flames shoot out of the stair wells and elevator shaft. The day doesn't get any better. You're in hell, there is fire everywhere, smoke barreling in, breathing is hard. Can't stand anymore. All you need is some air, you need to get out, people are screaming. The card, your family portrait is in your hand which are both obscured by the smoke. You can't see much, all you can think about is crawling towards the light coming in the window. You get there, sitting where you can breath a little and there is only one thought going through your mind. You will never see your family again. You here a voice that sounds familiar. It's Jon! He's running really quick right towards you...not you, the window, he ran right out the window. But it doesn't matter, you will never see your family again. At exactly 10:28 a.m. that is a true fact. Your family will never see you again. In fact, they won't even find you. After they cleared all the debris, you were one of the 24 people that are missing and presumed dead among the 2,973 of 9/11.


2) You walk into the office. As it started, today was not a very good day. Last you had heard, there were an estimated 3,000 dead in the 9/11 attacks. Such a terrible event, you are gld that you are home. But there are more important things on your mind. Even with all this tragedy, you are still here, alive and kicking! It's been so long since you have seen the doctors, they ran a few tests the other week just to show that you were well. Nothing but routine. In fact, for such a dismall day, the office staff seemed to be quite friendly. Even, nice! First time its happened to you! Everyone has their days right?
Dorothy opens the door and calls your name. She had a look in her eye, like she was there for you...to help you if you needed any getting on the scale. now that you think of it, she might be having a good day to. You have a quick chat about how things are and she listens. Boy does she listen. It's such a great feeling to have someone listen to you once in a while. You make a mental note to invite her to your daughter's wedding. This doctor's visit is turning out to be better than you thought. She takes you to the office and instead of having to wait, your doctor is already there. Wow, now thats service. He breathes in deep, then out slow, as if some invisible other doctor had a stethascope on his back listening for any abnormalities. You get into the office and sit down. You tell your doctor how appreciative you are for everything that he has done and that he too is invited to your daughters wedding. Though, you have to stop there because your wife will kill you if invite anyone else. "I'm sorry, there is no easy way to say this. The cancer has spread to your brain and is untreatable."

You won't live to see your daughter get married.

3) Finally, you have to make a choice. Imagine the people you love. Each one lined up in a big long line balancing on puppy dogs and rainbows. Now, put them in a dank cellar with little light and a disgusting smell. much Better. If you had to choose one to torture ruthlessly, who would it be?

All of these are terrible. If you are like me, they make you want to sit down and cry helplessly. They make you feel powerless to do anything, they make you feel emotional pain, they make you suffer.
Now I want you to think about the next couple statements I am about to say. If you are like me, by this point, sad is an understatement. I'm only going to say a few things and I want you to read them one by one, take 30 seconds after each one and try and put yourself in that situation. use what you already know about those things and put yourself in these places:

-thousands of people killed themselves instead of being processed, shaved, striped, worked to death and ovened in the Holocaust

- A doctor who worked through hurricane Katrina said, "I injected morphine into those patients who were dying and in agony. If the first dose was not enough, I gave a double dose. And at night I prayed to God to have mercy on my soul."
"According to statements given to an investigator in the attorney general's office, LifeCare's pharmacy director, the director of physical medicine and an assistant administrator say they were told that the 'evacuation plan' for the seventh floor was to not leave any living patients behind, and that 'a lethal dose would be administered', according to their statements in court documents."

- At one point in time, other human beings were owned as property, bought and sold like sacks of fertilizer, only worth more because they could clear, plant and reap fields, instead of just make them grow better.

These things are worse, so much worse than the stories I gave. but these are even harder to imagine. These are too much more, too distant, too foreign; even some of mine were unfathomable. We don't know what it is like to be in a burning building with no hope of escape, we don't know what it is like to be a doctor, who has given a vow to help patients, after not sleeping for three days, working in a hospital in 100 degree weather without water or supplies. We don't know what it is like to be owned by another person, with no chance or release, no chance of freedom, no chance of escape. Instead, you work 16 hours a day until your body breaks, and then you work until you are told you can stop.

We do not know what it is like. They are bad, they are awful, unfathomable, they are off the radar completely. We don't even have the emotion references to be able to place those kinds of experiences.
When I think of these events, slavery, genocide, death; after the sadness and the grief and the angry, all I have left is love. All I want to do is embrace someone and go on from there, because if we don't keep going....well, then, we flatline.

Special thanks to Wikipedia, and various online news sources for quotes.

I'm sorry that that was so unhappy, so I have found a few things to bring a smile to your face

Edit: Here's some hope for the lost

HAPPY NEW YEAR

So I have a few things to say about gender and how I don't really think it is used for much of anything, but until then I would like to share with you a trade secret of making mixed drinks. Here is how the really good places make all sorts of mixed drinks ranging from James Bond's martinis to good 'ol chocolate milk.
Directions: Take ingredients to be mixed, insert into the head of the girl wearing gold. Run the dance number (watch the video) then pour in and empty glass, over ice, or how ever you like. Bar none, this is not only the most elaborate physical execution of the directions "shake well" I have ever seen, but also the best dressed.

If you stay in Larissa, you will find peace. You will find a wonderful woman, and you will have sons and daughters, who will have children. And they'll all love you and remember your name. But when your children are dead, and their children after them, your name will be forgotten... If you go to Troy, glory will be yours. They will write stories about your victories in thousands of years! And the world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy, you will never come back... for your glory walks hand-in-hand with your doom. And I shall never see you again.

Doesn't everyone want to do something? Who wants to be forgotten? Does anyone want not to be remembered?
I talk to people every now and then, as most do, and have come to the conclusion that everyone wants to 'do something'. How specific. Some want to be doctors, some want to be doctors that go to places of the world that are in awful condition and help make things better. Some want to be politicians. Some want to solve the world's political problems and create world peace. OK. Great. Something will happen eventually. Never underestimate the power of the people of the world to do something. I'm not saying it will be a good change necessarily, but in the general trend of things in general, they usually improve. We will keep on truckin. I guess I am looking at two types of the same genre of question.

The first is the what do you want to do question. well, I'm not sure but, like everyone else I want to do something that will make an impact on the world and on people. I want my life to mean something, I want to look back on my life from my obviously present perfect in every way after life retirement home and see that my life made a difference in the scheme of the world. (The whole after life was a joke because I don't believe in it). Everyone does. Unfortunately, I think that our culture has a certain way that we think we can accomplish this goal. We call it school. Learning, and education. But isn't true that so many of the best inventions and breakthroughs in history were either by genetic anomaly created geniuses or by talented self-motivated people who had little uniform, school education. I think that if there were something I really wanted to do, something that could change the world and help people, getting and education is only postponing it. the only reason I would get an education, especially at my level, would be to get to a level where society deems it acceptable to do whatever it was I wanted to do. Wait a sec, no its not. I think there is a small part of that in it, but more than that, the education puts me at a position with more options. If I wanted to help people in a poor country and i just got out of high school, eventually I could do something like join the Peace Corps. Or if I wanted to help people I could become a doctor, make some money, then go spend all of my life's savings to build a hospital in the middle of a poverty stricken nation and help like that too. the thing is, many of the doors that I could take now stay open and increase in number as I learn more and increase my abilities.

I don't remember the second part of where I was going with this. I'm a little sleepy. So ill just keep going with what I was saying. If i became a doctor, I could still be in the peace corps and do the same thing that I could have done 12 years earlier. That would be a waste of talent though. A waste of me. The more I learn, the more responsibility I feel i have to put it to use in some method. Not just school learning, life learning. When.........nope lost it.

In conclusion, I want to do something, Now. I want some friends to comment and tell me what it is they want to do, and lets do something about it now. Lets feed people without food. Lets help kids in trouble with their families, lets do something while we learn. Just schooling is a waste of us. Yeah, I want to do something to be remembered, but it is more important not to waste myself on me. That is what far too many self-richeous self-centered college kids sit around doing all day long. Two hours at a soup kitchen or shelter a week really isn't that much. Stop wasting your lives. if the human race is ever going to survive, we need to help each other.

Just remembered the second part. If you really think about it, what is THE most pragmatic profession or study to get involved with? In my opinion it is the one that will help us better understand ourselves and our world. It's called science folks and I believe its the only thing that can save us. Even if we do stop the global warming we have caused, there could be another gigantic volcano explosion and we could go into another ice age. Its only going to be the scientists who expect, predict and forecast this. The engineers are going to have to come up with a way for us to survive off of alternative energy and other things. You get my drift. i need to sleep. I am really tired. Comment and help me develop something. I've said things really really generally.

So I have an idea that I have read about in a few places and sort of relate to. i am still playing around with it so do some commenting and help me out here. the idea is that education fosters acceptance (of all kinds, racial, sexual, ethnic, gender, etc.) here is what I remember about my uneducated years.

The first is of more blind tolerance than I think ever exists except when you are young. I want food, I want to play, etc and who ever will feed me or play with me works because that is what I want to do. Does not matter! Just gimme a sandwich and lets play legos.

Now I also remember elementary school where girls had cooties, liked pink and yellow, and played with dolls. Boys, in these days, had cooties (XY cooties, duh!), liked blue and red (green was neutral territory), and fought on the playground. In these days it was strange for me to want to go play jump rope with some girls. In fact, it was more socially appropriate for me to hold one's hand and to 'like' someone, in the kind of way that my mother has often asked about.
So, something happened between these two eras. I think I know what it is too. In the first, when we are really young, we don't really have a developed psyche. In fact, most of us haven't really developed yet. Correct me if I'm wrong but our frontal lobes scarcely even exist do they? Any way, some years pass, and we develop a sense of self and what not. I think that the time we start noticing and caring about differences is when we develop identities. Then we say hmmm, we are different! Cool? or BAD! I think that the initial reactions are directly influenced by what we have learned. At that time, we haven't really learned much of anything except what we have seen, heard, and experienced with our parents. So, first step, our first reactions and ideas about other people, who are different in any way, come from what we learn from our parents.

Next we go to school. What we learn there is a combination of social interaction and what is taught to us. In other words, we learn from what other people have learned. If you are Asian and learned to accept everyone, but everyone else hates white people, I think that you may change your mind rather quickly, especially at this age. Maybe you won't change your mind completely, but you will at least be a closeted accepting person.
~~~~Wavy transition into the future~~~~
Then you go on to more education and the same thing happens, etc. You learn more, ideas change....you get the idea.

Now I would think, that as you go on, learning more about the cultures of the world and more about philosophies and ways of thinking and problem solving and spelling (though spelling doesn't really have a lot to do with it) you begin to see that there really aren't that many differences between people. Example: genetics. Differences between groups, for example race, are far smaller than the differences found between groups. I agree that there are differences, I am not trying to deny the fact that my skin is much pastier than many other peoples, I am just saying that there is far more similar between me and my less ghostly friends that it makes no reason for me to hate them because they do not glow in the dark with whiteness.
(try this at home: watch bill Nye's new show, specific episode on race.)

So, there it is, I proved that education is directly correlated to tolerance and acceptance using personal experiences, general knowledge, you tube, and a note from my mother. (My dog ate the note, he also got hit by a car, I can't prove that that existed)
Yes, I know that trying to base any kind of theory on my own experiences is absolutely ridiculous. What isn't ridiculous are two studies done in different areas of the world looking at different things, but both finding the same general idea.
The first is a Harvard study done on immigration in Europe (<-- pdf alert) found something really cool. "More educated respondents are significantly less racist and place greater value on cultural diversity than their counterparts." Huh. So, while this study isn't looking exactly at what I am talking about, they did find that in this case that more educated people are less racist. Neat huh?

The next study was one done by the University of Minnesota on whiteness
"Age and income have little impact on a white person’s awareness of their racial identity, the study found. But Southerners and social conservatives place more emphasis on their racial identity than other white Americans, while those with more education place less." So what does this say? It says that educated white people tend to not care as much about their whiteness. I can't technically directly apply that as a blanket theory to my idea, but it does help push me in the right direction!

In conclusion, I really do think that education is correlated to tolerance and acceptance of all differences including race, sex, ethnicity, and gender.

So, given what I have, let me know what you think. I know not everything is perfect, but its a start.

peace

I am trying to learn the international phonetic alphabet. Im not sure I am doing this right, but at least its a start. I have much to learn. Try and figure out what it says!

My Schedule for Winter

Misunderstanding

Ill begin with a question: Why is it that people aren't able to understand accept other people's beliefs, thoughts, ideas, choices.

Here's an example. I am a vegetarian. My older brother doesn't understand why I am a vegetarian. Therefore, it is somehow a crime that I don't eat meat and he must make sure that I know that he thinks my belief is dumb. While I am not offended or angered by his continuous comments, I am a little bothered. When someone asks me about it, I tell them. Usually I say something about animal cruelty, wasting energy, cholesterol, and chemicals. Then he says something like, "Well I still eat animals." In some mysterious fashion, that is the answer and end all and he leaves the conversation. I'm not quite sure how that works. I get the same answer even when I am minding my own business, say, when I am watching a video on animal cruelty and he walks into the room. He then says something like, "I don't want to see that! Even if I did, I will still eat animals." Again, what he says doesn't offend me or anything, I have nothing against people who eat meat, seriously. That's just as much of a choice as my not eating meat, or you eating brussel sprouts (I do too,mmm). Who cares! Somehow I offend him or anger him in some way that he needs to defend his right to eat animals with me even saying anything.

What I don't understand is why he can't just accept a decision like that and say ok, cool, who cares? I mean seriously. Why do things like this always happen? Why must people always make a big idea of things? It's the same kinda deal with drinking. (around 2:50)



Like I said before, why can't people just accept it. Why does what we do define who we are? I know that what we do is a part of who we are just as much as our personalities, beliefs, and other things. Yet somehow, it is only one or two things that make us who we are to other people.

Its the same as being gay. Why does it matter to people? Why can't you just take it as fact that it is who I am and not worry about it. I don't need you telling me that I am going to hell in your religion because I like guys or because I don't eat meat or because I don't have an imaginary friend. I don't need you to tell me that you are better than me because you believe in god or you eat meat or you think that homosexuality is wrong. But even if you do that's cool. I'm not going to hold it against you. I judge people on personality and their actions that concern me. You eating meat, the only way that could concern me is that I'm glad that there is no possibility that you would want to eat me.

So please, why does it matter? Why do my decisions about myself and my own actions, that have nothing to do with you, matter to you?

Dr Les Roberts, who led the study, said: "Making conservative assumptions we think that about 100,000 excess deaths, or more, have happened since the 2003 invasion of Iraq."

As a reference, the death toll of The World Trade Center attacks is officially 2,752 people.

****Please read the disclaimer at the bottom before you start bitching at me****

Words Can't describe what I feel right now. I just watched a movie called The Panama Deception in which I heard more lies then I thought was possible for one person to make. Those of you who have read Middlesex will understand when I try and say what I feel by saying Sadforwhatthiscountryhasdone-angrythatwehaven'tstoppedityet-
hleplessandhopelessthatthereisntanythingwecando.
Well, that's my own take in Euginides amazing description of emotion.

Someone tell me here, what have we done to this place and to these people? There is already so much conflict there, the ONLY thing we are doing is making it worse. What have we done? We have taken away any form of stability they had, make them rely on us for military power and basically just make sure things don't get too organized for anybody. How the hell does this make anything better?

Something needs to be done about this. You know, the funny thing is that one man's hero is another's terrorists. Some fundamentalists did their little thing here and what do we do? ROLL OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY BECAUSE THAT IS OUR REASON TO INVADE THE COUNTRIES WE WANT TO.

"When beggars die, there are no comets seen;
The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes."
- Julius Caesar, Act II, sc. ii

It is the same reason we invaded Panama. We waited until something happened to the US and then we could basically do whatever the hell we please. I bet Osama Bin Laden isn't a real person. What if? What if he is being paid by the US? Why haven't we found him yet? We've certainly killed enough people. We HAVE the technology. Maybe we haven't found him because the govt don't want to find him. Maybe they are in businesss with him, not an official one, a skanky one where in return for the fear he creates, they pay him by not really looking for him. What kind of people are we?

Why would they want to find him? His tapes and his speeches are the key to making the people of the US subordinate and willing to do"whatever it takes" to ...Something mumble.. Something about peace (this is the part where the politician that must not be named says lots of things but really means whatever it takes to get our oil and world power....)

DISCLAIMER: I do not know everything about this conflict and I am not pretending I do. I know one thing: almost anything is possible. So humor me, what if? Think about it.What if the media is only allowed access to the 'good stuff'. I am so sure that there are places that they don't let the media go and its there that the worst happens.


I AM PISSED.

I'mm drowning
Save me
Wake me up

I'm not tired"

why do we watch these dramas?

because we want to belong. We want to fit into the group of spectators that watch this show. We want an escape from our lives. We watch the overly dramatic things because they make our lives seem not as bad. But i can't help but think of how awful this is.

How we live in such an era where we need this. We are in the top 15% of the population and I can't stand it! There are so many people who are poor, dying, starving, the list goes on.

It makes me sad...

not being chrisitian I dont feel right making any sort of christian argument on anything.
However, a person like DAVID MYERS!!!(who btw wrote the text book for AP Psych!) can. I saw him the other day and he gave a presentation on chrisitan support for Gay Marriage. I thought it was good. I attempted to record it on my mp3 player and i will post it after I overcome the two following problems:
1) The recorder was not very near to him, so it is very very quiet.
2) My mp3 player and program does not allow me to take things off of it, including recordings.

As soon as I get it on my computer and edit the audio with the sweet adobe program I have and dont know how to use I will put it up.
Until then, you can admire David Myers at his web site: http://www.davidmyers.org/
[I like writing the website because it is easy...I could hyperlink it for you lazy folks]

peace

i need you here tonight like the ocean needs the waves

I just posted a draft that I had on 10/28/2005 . Check it out. It most certainly wasn´t done...Its only a few lines, but My views have changed on the subject so I will talk more on it later.

This is Badalona, Spain...A very poor picture of Badalona, Spain.
This is where I am right now and where i have been for the past week. Hope things are well. Im off to England tomorrow.

Bye

Question for all of you.

What defines a person?

What do we base or judgments of people on?

Are they the same?


Im leaving for Europe on sunday, I may be in touch maybe not. If I do have computer access, I will have a blog online somewhere. I'll keep you posted.

imagine what it would feel like to do something very nice for a person, and not let them know about it. What would they think? Would it just be a lucky coincedince? Would the y get suspicious? I'm not sure, but I bet it would be cool.

What if that happened to you?

Things I need to remember to think about.

"what is your purpose in life?"
"What makes you happy?"
"How do you change emotions?"

"the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched...they must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller

OK, so im not the best at responding to comments on time and I hope you two stay interested. I promise I will get to them when I get a chance. (Both of you thanks very much for commenting, im so used to just blabbing and nobody makes me thinks, it isn't as much fun by yourself...haha that sounded sexually indicative.) By the way Rachana, if that is your artwork, I am humbled because it is so amazing.

Ok, back to what I was actually going to talk about, happiness. I am sure if you take a look through my blog you will see my ups and downs. A (Dr. Evil style >) "cycle" if you will. Downs suck ass, as im sure you all know, and ups are nice. In the past year, I have had ups that last about as few days and downs that last for a week of two, and the rest is more or less just stress. I figure that much of how we feel is grounded in how we react to our experiences. Take for example what happened to me this morning. I got a small coffee, open the door to my car, or so I thought. The door swung back and hit my hand spilling coffee (hot coffee mind you) all over my hand and car. Now, I can see someone really getting upset about that. What a crappy way to start the day. I got into my car thinking, 'great this sucks'. Then I thought, 'well not really, there is no reason for me to get upset about that.' So I just laughed and went on my way.

Why be angry and upset when you could be happy? That is my goal for the summer. So far, I have had 4 good happy days in a row. Honestly this is a first...and im really excited.

One thing that will always make me laugh are these fun laughing clubs that started in India, we watched a video featuring John Cleese about the brain in psych. The clip can be found here. Very funny


And today I leave you with this:

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do one thing that scares you everyday." (Im working on that too, but that is much harder and I have no balls...ask me about it and I can maybe tell you. Those people know who they are.

I say, "Laugh stuff off, be less angry, no reason to (be angry that is). Too much anger and bitterness in the world. Let's be happy."

So sometimes we hide from things, people....ourselves without knowing it. We get lost. If we are lucky, we notice this and break free and become ourselves again, and it is refreshing. The problem comes when we choose to hide, because if we hide for too long and too deep, we won't be able to find our way out. So...sing like an angel, dance like a raver, and show compassion like buddhist. Because only after we find ourselves can we decide what to do with ourselves.

If it doesn't make sense in the context you think I wrote it in, then use it in your own. Because that has no context that I am ever going to tell you... at leas not in the next couple years you nosey bavarian pig. sorry. I didn't mean it : ) (well not the bavarian part).

You are beautiful

I believe

I believe that a people are the most important things. This includes health in physical and mental senses, people's rights, and their relations.

I believe that staying healthy is an easy thing to do, and not doing so is only harmful and silly. Why would someone not want to be healthy? Why would someone choose pain, discomfort, and cancer over...well...not. To me it isn't even a contest. I also like to think that vanity has nothing to to with it, but that is not true. Vanity plays a part, but is not the main focus. Staying healthy, not wanting to get cancer or mess up the brain are reasons enough for me. Seriously, why would a person purposefully kill neurons or modify DNA? because it feels good? That is selfish, childish, and plain dumb. If you want to feel good there are several other ways to do so alone or with other people (and not all of them are sexual). In respect to the consequences, is temporary pleasure really worth a damaged brain and various forms of cancer? no.

I also believe that the right to do whatever you want is vitally imperative to people. I have no problem with you doing anything, unless it concerns other people. "Your rights end where your fist meets my nose." (Jefferson right?). So hurt yourself all you want, just keep it away from me. In related news, the president will be making a speech on the 5th supporting the anti-gay marriage amendment in the U.S. Constitution. The government is willing to create a constitutional amendment that simply discriminates against certain people. They have no right to do that. Currently, Marriage is defined in the major dictionaries as being referenced by the bible. We are basing the meaning of a word off of one person's interpretation of the Bible. Don't even get me started on my problems with the Bible. Do NOT try and argue the Bible's validity. It is a collection of stories, some of which may have had some historical events that happened, most of which more likely are simply fables encouraging good and condemning bad. It is a story book that was written 2000 years ago. So there. If you are literally interpreting the bible, I will literally interpret fantastic ideas like the sun revolves around the earth and the world is flat and Japan was created by some mud falling off of a stick. What? these are not true you say? prove it. Oh, you have science? then why doesn't it apply to the bible? don't believe me yet? Watch Penn and Teller's bullshit on the bible. You will have to rent the DVD as both Google and Youtube have removed it from their sites as far as I can tell. Conservative __________ (fill in the blank with the profanity of your choice) I hope you see the importance of rights. Do what you want, just don't hurt me or my friends, or my family.

I believe that by ourselves we are nothing, together we are everything. I need family and friends, and I care for them. Communication is key here. So tell people how you feel. and if the above hold true for your state, I will listen to you and try and help. I love you all. ALL OF YOU. I can help some more than others and I will do my best. Talk to me. Choose me. Lean on me. Because I will need somebody to lean on soon enough. Hug me, sit with me, cuddle, drink warm drinks, be cozy. Don't be dumb.

Everything in life is your choice. In all honesty, no choice can be made for you unless you let them. You may be placed in very inopportune situations, but it is all up to you and I know you can do it. I'm not really referring to anything there, but I know you can do it. Whatever it is you want to do.

I love you all