Cognitive Dissonance, mental inbalance, conflicting thoughts
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. The books, people, movies, art, music, and photgraphy, all can inspire a change of mind. A change of belief, attitude and way of life. Those are the best. The things that make you think about your life to take a step back and realize that everything that is so important to you now will not matter in a year. That you are still young and that there is still time. Carpe Diem! Grab the sweaty toothed madman and run into a field of daises, a field of individuals that view them selvs as unimportant. Take him and your blanket and run. Move on from the death of your wife, maybe it just takes time sitting in a chiar, an hour a week before you realize, "It isn't your fault"

These things are what bring us together, bring the starnagers in the halls, the aquaintences to strong friendship. All of you, those that I know but dont know, call me find me and allow me to invite you to my house where we may talk and understand the world. Those I do know, you are invited to come as well, it'll be a date.


(pop quiz, what movies did I make references to in the first paragraph)

Oh but I wish to be Purple

Equality is Both Impossible and Impractical...

Well, Impractical first:
If everyone were equal, if everyone looked, acted, smelled, tasted, worked, lived, loved, cried, ate, jumped, ran, swamwell; was good at all subjects in school, succesful in all aspects of life; and was identical in all aspects LIFE WOULD SUCK.
Nobody would exel at anything. Nobody would ever win or lose. All sports would end in ties and all classes would be equally boring or amazing.
With everything would be equally amazing! mediocre, or sucky.
Either everybody finds the cure for cancer! we are all equally almost there, or we all die from it.

and impossible because we would all be the same age, or body shape, or all equally good at hunting or something. There wouldn't be any caribou left. In anycase, we would all be so equal at what we did, when eventually there wasn't enough the universe would collapse and we would ll be pulled apart like a big pig roast.


Well then it was fitting for you to take care how you should be like the rest of men, just as the thread has no design to be anything superior to the other threads. But I wish to be purple, that small part which is bright, and makes all the rest appear graceful and beautiful. Why then do you tell me to make myself like the many? and if I do, how shall I still be purple?
-Discourses by Epictetus

The Future's Got me Worried such Awful Thoughts

Noboy knows what the future holds (except H.G. Wells mind you)., but it is something that occupies our minds much of the time. Full of what ifs and full of hope. Full of questions and possibilities and potentialities. We always do it, and everything that we think, every possibility that we create in our minds is false, except that one little one that acctually happens. It is pointless, but so is alot of the things we do.

None the less it happens and I'm not gonna stop it. infact, im going to do it. . . sort of. Becuase soon, I will be going where my life is made. The forgery in which the basis of my life is crafted. everything I have gone through has beought me where I am. And I have many personalities, as evryone does, but can obviously only use one at a time. this is my worry. That my senior silence will follow me next year.

Senior silence is my little quieting disorder. I feel like I talk less. I feel like I analyze more and talk less. I give only a very few attampts at conversation and let others do the rest. I feel like I alienate myself. Everyone else is out there thwoing their moeny away when I have to go to college and eat at the same time. I feel like I have compared myself too much.

Well.. now I really justf feel tired. Because I get all sad when I am tired, I dont like getting tired it isn't fun. I neeed to sleep.

Night


"Nothin gets Crossed Out"
Bright Eyes
The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts.
My head is a carousel of pictures.
The spinning never stops.
I just want someone to walk in front
and I'll follow the leader.
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush.
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was,
but came to my senses.
Now I'm tryin' to be assertive.
I'm making plans.
Wanna rise to the occasion, yeah
meet all of their demands.
But all I do is just lay in bed
and hide under the covers.
I know I should be brave
but I'm just too afraid of all this change.
And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt.
I keep making these "To Do" lists but nothing gets crossed out.
Working on the record seems pointless now.
When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
But Im tryin' and take some comfort in written words,
yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good.
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together.
Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...
all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time.
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled
in those basements made of music.
But now I've got to crawl, to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowd,
I hope that you'll pick me out.
Oh, how I long to be found.
The grass grew high. I laid down.
Now I wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand.
I have been laying so low
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
Don't want to lay here no more.
But if everything that happens is supposed to be
and it is predetermined, can't change your destiny.
Then I guess I'll just keep moving, someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.


... and at the end of the night, dawns a new mourning